My Review of Final Destination 5

Hello folks its that time again for people to get killed in mouse trap the board game or another impossibly old reference Pee Wee,s breakfast machine style deaths. First off I am a fan of over the top violence and gruesome scenes bit this does not make me a horror movie guy as they rely on thrills and suspense which are two things that make a already jumpy person jumpy. I had no real plan on reviewing this but the way this movie ended made(expect spoilers) not reviewing it not a option. First as with all of the final destination films there is a accident that is avoided which starts the proverbial ball rolling which was pretty cool as it happened pretty fast in the movie. They proceed to be impaled,burned,maimed and brutalized all while courtney Vance for some reason tries to get to the bottom of the obvious accidents. This is all par for the course the reason this movie made me stand up and notice is that they foreshadowed the twist in such a way that I noticed it but didnt put it together until the last second. The entire movie the fat third sklar brother who was a lothario used a ancient cell to call his ladies. I assumed this was a choice to show him as a out of touch loser who used a Star-Tac flip phone but thinks he is cool. Later on however I noticed other people using these old ass phones to which I thought "This is odd but ok fair enough" this continued until the final(ish) scene in which the guy who was supposedly safe and his girlfriend board a plane to France a fight breaks out and then it hit me "Oh Shit its the first(ish) scene from Final Destination 1" this snake eating its own tail sequel/Prequel concept was treat and not expected at all. This made a otherwise blah horror movie turn into a decent flick that had a awesome suprise at the end.

RoboCop best 3 moments

Hey folks back with a best 3 moments which was a huge hit with you guys with my total recall post. I was going to go all Arnie but decided against it as This can become a all Arnie blog if I do not show a modicum of restraint. I will however go into one of my all time favorites in Robocop the film that showed the future as a 80,s shithole with alot more commercialism. I like to think we didn't turn out that bad as the movie said we would as artificial hearts were sold on tv like fast food. Anyway I am only addressing Part one even though part 2 was awesome if I include it i have to include part 3 which was just sad.

1.ED 209
This was the great Dick Jones idea to deal with the securing Detroit problem as the police and to a large extent the city itself belonged to a corporation called OCP and they were about to bulldoze the shitty part to gentrify it and they needed something to show they had things under control. This was Dick Jones(played by Ronnie Cox the same guy who played the villain in Total Recall) idea which in hindsight or any sight really was a stupid idea to think a tank would be able to be a police man let alone the fact that this same tank is prone to unsolicited violence as it shot a executive(Tort reform in the future allows this) to death. I think ED 209 rules as the crux of the robocop story is that the guy who created robocop stepped on Dicks toes with his idea positing that if he didn't the ED 209 project was viable which is so stupid its brillant

Alex Murphy becoming robocop
This as a 9 year old was traumatic in that for a good bit of the scene it seemed like he was more or less a side of beef getting shot repeatedly. This makes it to best moment as the fact that getting rounds of ammo dumped into you doesn't kill you asap it allows you the ability to have weird ass flashbacks of your future home and wife and kid. This process from good cop to meat to robocop is played out from him getting killed by red from that 70,s show and then his semi lucid remmeberings of a team working on him in a weird lab montage that is replayed in all 3 movies for some reason. This is my favorite for no other reason then that this was marketed to kids and had one of the most gruesome scenes of mutilation I have ever seen before or since


Buy that for a dollar guy
The best thing about this movie and the future as far as I was concerned was finally getting the context to what this man was trying to buy for a dollar. I mean on its own as a non sequistor its amazing. it frames the lawlessness that is taking place in the streets perfectly. As the main villains use the newly acquired Cobra gun which amuses the black member of the gang greatly the phrase "I would buy that for a dollar" is played. I know pie is involved in some way and cheap 80,s style bimbos are in play as well but no real context other then the tight shot of his mustached face and the line that made life worth living..

Review of captain america

rating-OK
Hey folks I have been MIA as this summer was very busy with changes a plenty but I promise Fall 2011 and going forward I will be on a 2 a week post regime of all your favorite movie and TV review and opinions and Memes. Anyway here is the long awaited review of Captain America the first avenger. The short answer it was OK but in the good way like how Thor was OK in the bland way. It had everything you would expect from a marvel movie the little inside bits for fans the huge feel and bright color that appeals to the casual fan. The heart was there as well as when a character dies you feel the loss and when the romantic lead(played by one of my favorites Haley Atwell) knows he is pretty much going to die the scene tugs at the heartstrings. As far as action it was in there but he was overpowered in terms of the opposition. meaning he was flicking people at one point all done effortlessly which was hollow. This is added that the main villain played by Hugo weaving who was his only real match they're final(and really only) show down was very short and didn't feel like it was back and forth. I would of had them fight once before with the Red skull besting him giving the last fight a he figured it out feeling that would explain how he beat him so fast.


the Period feel was good and the villains as frail as they were looked good in a Cobra viper way. I also enjoyed the musical number way more then I should as it reminded me of old bugs bunny war effort propaganda cartoons that I loved. The acting was fine and the fear that the overall movie was a long expensive set up for the Avenger movie which is really wasn,t. As far as the avenger trailer. it was pretty bad ass and everything you could expect. Its showed the main villain presumably(Emo Loki from bland Thor) and showed all the principles(hulk was missing for some reason)and showed some action but no real info was given. I am looking forward to that film as it when I heard about it WAY back in 08 after Iron Man It seemed along way away. In conclusion I loved the movies choices and think it was a enjoyable 2 hours while it could of done some stuff better I cannot really complain

Review of Transformers 3

Rating-great

Sorry I am so late on this post but I tried to do a week to week review of Torchwood but my hate of the new main character lead to my ranting for paragraphs and I couldn't stop. OK on to the review at hand and OMFG this movie ruled(to me)I say (to me) because I have a very specific taste quadrant and this movie hit all of them. I am a lover of wanton tasteless excessive violence and terror being hoisted on everyone in the movie in such a way that it becomes comical. This film is great to me but I can easily see how someone would say it was good awful as it was loud and disjointed and ended abruptly on top of all the violence which was excessive so if that's not your thing you will want to bail on this. If your are into one second watching a humorous exchange between the main character and his parents and not even 6 minutes later watch city blown to hell with screaming people being shot in the back as they flee this is the film for you. I am going to to list the top two things to me(if you don,t already know what is number 1) hope you enjoy it. P.S captain America will be seen and reviewed by next Tuesday.





1.Violence Violence and more violence and a side of malicious terror being inflicted on everyone.

WOW if it wasn't the fact that a city was attacked and millions of people were killed or maimed or was it the transformers themselves whose heads and spines and eyes were mutilated at every turn. I mean I don,t know where to start here as there was so much to chose from movie wide. If for some reason you didn't buy the transformer on transformer violence(i don't know about that figuring how they screamed and plead for there lives all movie long) there was TONS of people being maimed on and off screen. The best(or worse) display of this was when the decipticons were sacking a major city they were chasing and shooting people as they fled and one was a woman who while screaming was blasted and her skull popped out. That scene was the one which told me "oh they ain't fucking around huh?" it was as gratuitous a movie as everything was killed or in some cases menaced with violence all movie long. By menace I mean there was 4+ scenes were people and transformers were threatened with being shot in the back of the head and in some cases they were. I can go on and on about this but how do I choose between one guy falling from the sky on fire or another having his spine torn out? Answer is you don,t





2-Hipster megatron
This was so awesome to me to be honest. The fact that megatron spent 2 hours tooling about as a mad max truck rocking a hipster urban outfitter scarf is AMAZING. That would be cool if that was that but he also during most of the violence(see number 1) he was hanging loose in a alley being detached and ironic with his scarf flowing in the breeze. I like to think he had some fleet foxes and iron and wine on his ipod while blogging how over cyberwilliamsburg has become due to Lamestreamers.

Law and Order how much do I love thee let me count the ways.

Oh how much do I love any show that has the title Law and Order? That is a trick question as I love this show beyond any words that presently exist so this blog in essence is a fools errand. I will try however to express how much I enjoy each show from the stalwart original all the way to the vapid LA version I shall try to explain why I am obsessed and why you should be as well.



LAW AND ORDER
This one is to me the best of the best and I am well aware I am in the minority here. I feel that this show does what I like best which is tell a story and let the characters flesh out through they're responses to external stimuli. Meaning there was no real time dedicated to they're personal lives and the only things we knew was what was said over the course of organic conversations. I dislike too much character reliance as if I for whatever the reason dislike the person the show suffers. Here over years you learn about motivations and family entanglements loves gained and loss through the very real reaction to the cases they tried to solve. I also loved that they lost quite a bit which made the stakes real as you never knew from one week to the next if they would win or if in some cases they even had the right guy. I think this show above all the others showed that you didn't have to do anything more then tell a great story and let the people integrate into the story as opposed to having the story integrate into the characters to be successful. This is my favorite but most people enjoy..

LAW AND ORDER SVU
This is great but for none of the reasons that a drama should. It is so damn silly in the way that the cops do they,re job episode after episode. The two main characters go between mad zealousness to obvious disinterest depending on the "Vic". If its a Caucasian teen girl Elliot stabler will fly to another country to not follow any of the rules of procedure and/or go after someone who is innocent based on the flimsiest of evidence. If its a woman or any girl really Olivia Benson will badger and badger and "help" them into a tub of warm water with slit wrist(this has happened more then 4 times). Also if it is a black victim or a junkie Ice T will step in and get 0 help from the normally rabid leads also he is always given a Jet beauty of the week love interest that happens "organically and not at all forced. I enjoy the insane leaps they make and the fact that they should all be fired for one thing or the other since season 2. This one is the most popular one and as of nest year will be the last one left which is sad despite my love of the series. This is mostly based on the fact that a silly goofy dessert is hollow without a solid and excellent dinner.


LAW AND ORDER CRIMINAL INTENT
Staying on the dinner analogy a bit longer if SVU is the dessert to the first ones dinner then this is the lunch. I say this because its just as silly at times(sometimes more so) then SVU but at its core its a old fashioned procedural with Colombo style gamesmanship. When this show started the hook was the idea that we saw the show from both the cops point of view and the killers but everything else stayed the same law and equal parts order and the cat and mouse game that came from this. I think when Vincent D,Onfrio decided he would play Det Goren like batman that idea went out the window. The fact that he plays the guy like Colombo and Sherlock Holmes makes the order part a bit more messy as he is the entrapment kid every week. In the first seasons they had a d.a played by Courtney Vance who sole purpose was to say "nice theory but i need some proof" and despite Goren being right 100% of the time he had to treat him as a crazy wild card every case. Somewhere between the beginning and the end they shelved the idea and the show closed with the arrest which at first bothered me. This being I know that the arrest is the beginning and could very well mean nothing but This show felt more like macmillian and wife era crime show which that was the norm so I was ok with it. I like this one second due to the competence of the detectives and the stories that were interesting and involved.

LAW AND ORDER LOS ANGLES
And finally we come to this(apologies to law and order trial by jury but I hold you responsible for the great Jerry orbachs death from a sickness you did not cause please understand. Anyway this show started and tried its hardest to be sleek and L.A and in most cases it achieved this by telling OK stories with a L.A feel. The cast was OK but no one watched this thing and instead of letting the ax fall they retooled it in such a strange way I scratched my head from the relaunch all the asy to the second cancellation. They decided that the reason no one watched the show was both female D.A,s and one of the detectives. they put one of the main Lawyers(Alfred Molina) to capitalize on the name no doubt as a detective which would be fine if he wasnt like 60 years old. secondly they brought the assistant from NYC Alana de Garza to I assume court Hispanics but without Jack and cutter for her to play off she was inert. Terrence Howard as the DA was OK if it wasn't for his playing it like a guy who was more interested in being promoted. all and all I think this show could of fixed things in season 2 if it had the chance but it didn't so it wont.

Game of Thrones Full Season review

Hey folks sorry for the delay on this post but to quote badboys 2 "shit just got real" on the real life front. Any way the sleeper hit of the year 2011 concluded a few weeks ago and it ended in the same way it started with violence and nudity but with the added benifit of dragons. I started the show two weeks in via on demand and was blown away right away. I belive this is is due to the fact that they give you pretty much everything you need from the first scene to the last scene of episode 1. By creating a world that was instantly intrigiung and dense instead of spoon feeding you at a slow pace. The season as I have said before moved at the right speed not to rushed and not to delibrite just right. I am a huge fan of how each week you felt the right amount of trepadation for the next week and the desire to reflex on what you just saw. I think by the time the season was in full swing and conflicts were being aired out in the open and chracters where killed despite major movers and shakers. I am fired up for next season to see how the threads left open at the end of the season and see if they can pick up and continue the huge momentem that the first season produced.

Review of Green Lantern

rating-meh/decent

Hello all This the much anticipated(by me)movie adaptation of my favorite super hero the Green Lantern. This movie was something I looked forward to this movie despite the fact Ryan Reynolds was in it as he is being forced down our throats as a action hero despite not being good at it. I am going into this as a SUPER fan but I am going to try to review this as impartially as I can.



I will start by saying this is better then Thor as it was compelling but less then X men First class because it wasn't all that good. My initial fear would be that they would ignore the outer space elements to make a movie that appealed to a broader audience which happily did not happen. The main issue was they felt by putting two people who are popular and attractive as the leads(Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively) they could get away with slow paced short movie with no action in it. The plot follows the story of how The green lantern goes from immature fly boy to responsible super hero in about one hour and forty five minutes. The action scenes consist of 5-6 loose scenes in which they are over as soon as they start. The main villain a yellow cloud which is defeated pretty quickly. I liked the idea of the intergalactic police force which they did alot to set up which I appreciated as a fan of the comic but I they seemed to be more perfunctory then needed in the grand scheme of things. As any fan of the comic knows Sinestro played by Mark Strong is going to be a villain. This set up process is done by adding tons of ideas which have 0 to do with the story at hand for a sequel I can GUARANTEE will not be made. Another thing to go back to my pre sequel idea they seemed to be sett All in all it was OK I was expecting a turd of ang lee "hulk" proportions and instead got this underwhelming star vehicle disguised as a action movie. I am calling it now as I belive the captian America movie will be the winner of the summer of comic movies as its not coming out in may(thor) and they do not have faux action star Ryan Renyolds in it(this movie).